do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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