also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
