Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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