Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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