I heard we made out
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
