I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
