Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
