What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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