I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
