just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
