i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
