Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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