What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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