Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
