do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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