i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
