listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
