Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
