I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
