This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
