ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
