At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
