That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
