Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
wow bdsm is so cute
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
