I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
