Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
