I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
