I cannot find my penis.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
