Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
