You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
