sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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