I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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