tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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