Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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