When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
