It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
