I cockslap morals
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize