my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
