so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
