You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
