i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
