How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
