if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
