a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
