allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
