the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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