Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
