he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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