Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fuck appropriateness.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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