I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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