So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
