Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
