i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
