Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize