is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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