As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize