I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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