I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
