We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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