the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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