You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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