Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
