I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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